An open letter to my EX : The person who will always have my heart!
The person who will always have my heart
Love for me was standing at a place and giving, whatever you have and whatever you don’t, to the person you love. But when you do that for a person you don’t love, it leaves you sad and broken. How can I love others when I have nothing left inside? They asked me to pour my heart to this new relationship so I poured and poured and poured and now I am empty. It taught me and changed me; from water to ice. Cold and empty are all I got left.
173 days ago we ended what we had and the reason was society, like all other couples our love story remained unfinished. You were my world, my love, my future and the reason for my happiness and then suddenly you became that place I could not visit; that song I could not listen to; that memory I could not relive ; that one happy day I could not go back to anymore. You became all the things I missed, Everything I wish I had.
I lost you and I had to move on with the new life, new person. But the hardest thing about losing you is that it didn’t happen once. I lose you every single day that we don’t speak, every single day that I don’t get to see those deep eyes. When I wake up in the morning and reach for my phone and hope to see a good morning message that isn’t there. When I go to sleep at night and I realise that the only person I want to crib about everything to isn’t there. And I lose you in all of the moments in between, in all the hours of silence that go by where I do nothing, but think of you, want to call you and then I don’t. I lose you when I listen to a certain song, watch a certain movie; go to a certain place that carries all the memories of YOU and ME. And I used to think that I could only miss you when I am alone but that’s not true. I miss you when I am around everyone else; partying, smiling, laughing and faking it all. It’s only when I am asleep that I get a break from it. From thinking, missing, wanting, hoping, crying but then I wake up the following day and reach for my phone and hope to see a good morning message that isn’t there and I know I am going to feel it all over again and it is terrifying.
It is terrifying that No matter how many promises we made, no matter how long we’ve been together, we had to get up and walk out of each other’s lives and had to carry on living because the world doesn’t stop for any of us. I won’t glorify or romanticise heartbreak, for me, it was a kind of death and I was forced to keep living.
I hope one day you will find someone you cannot live without and I hope you never have to know what it’s like to have to try and live without them. Because the worst day of loving someone is the day you lose them.
The girl who will always love you.
image source: unsplash.com/matheus Ferrero
Author: Suhani Mathur