A open letter of apology to my sister in law (Bhabhi) for making her newly married life a living hell!
I know this apology comes a bit late and that words can’t change what happened but still I would like to apologize to you for making your married life even harder than what it already was. I haven’t been good to you and done some really repulsive things to you knowingly and unknowingly.
Now that I am married and have a sister in law of my own, I realize now what a villainous sister in law I have been to you. At that time when I could have been a great friend and supporter to you, being around your own age, I acted just the contrary and was always on the eyeball to eyeball with you.
I remembered the time when I lingered on to almost all your dates with my brother or wanted to since I thought that I had first right on my brother more than anyone, more than you. I kind of ruined the most precious times of your lives, your courtship. When I was engaged whenever my sister in law want to accompany us on an outing I feel so pissed off. I mean once or twice is fine but when this became an every-time affair I desperately yearned for some alone time with my then to be hubby.
Even for your wedding shopping, I tried to impose my choices on you whereas this solely should have been your decision since this was supposed to be the most special day of your life. And you happily obliged too, may be because you couldn’t say no to me at that time. But this was out-rightly wrong. When the similar ordeal occurred to me I blatantly refused to respect my sister in law’s choices, since I wouldn’t want any interference with my wedding decisions. Guess I should have seen the flip side in your case as well.
Even after your marriage, I never completely accepted you as a member of this family rather looked up to you as a competitor. I never supported you nor helped you with any of the household chores. I should have understood that just before this wedding you were also a simple girl, a pampered daughter like me, not some experienced housemaid. I was always told that as soon as your bhabi will come, she is supposed to do all the household chores with perfection. Helping her will spoil her since how will she learn all these things if she won’t do it? And I obediently followed the same, not assisting you in any household work rather burden you with me and my family member’s tantrums. I never grasped that one day I will also be at the same status as yours and become a daughter in law. If much the same stuff would happen to me how will I cope up with all alone without any help? Thankfully, I have an extremely helping mother in law and servants too but still I toil hard to do the housework properly and there you were doing all the work single-handedly almost all by yourself. Even when my brother tried to help you, I teased him as ‘Joru ka Ghulam’. I should have seen the daylight that husband and wife are a team and that there is nothing wrong with the former helping the latter.
I proudly used the gifts which you gave to my brother, your husband without even requesting for your permission to use them. I flaunted openly the watch you gifted to ‘Bhaia’ or used his ‘Rayban’ shades, wore almost all your gold jewelry. Moreover, when you told me politely to ask before I used those things, I created a mountain out of a molehill and complained to my mom. I hark back to all those times when we all yelled at you so badly when there was no one to support you. At the period when we should have been understanding and affectionate to you since you left your whole world, your home and moved in with us, already dealing with homesickness, We made your life even more miserable.
Being a newly married woman at the present, I miss my home so damn much and want to visit it as often as I can. But I used to be surprised when you wanted to visit yours. That why do you want to go to your home this week when you went last week itself. How ignorant I was! The place where you have spent 25 years of your life. Where you wake up day by day and went to sleep, where you spent each and every second, minute of your life. How could you leave that just in a go and suddenly become a monthly visitor?
I should have been the one mediating between my conservative mother’s old beliefs and new age reality but I never even tried. Instead, to add insult to your injury I even complained to her about every random Petty thing and turned her even more negative for you.
I owe you much more than a written apology. I wish I could go back to the time and make amends. I wish I would have been more considerate and understanding for you. I wish I wouldn’t have hurt you by my callous acts. I not only made your life hard but bhaia’s too. I would want every unmarried sister in law to read this letter and understand that you will also get married one day and let me tell you marriage is hard, very very hard. You will also need somebody’s support. Treat your ‘Bhabhi’ the same way like you would want to be treated by your sister in law. Aid and abet her, rather than maker her marital life a constant struggle. We can’t change our orthodox elders, our mothers, and our fathers but at least we can back up this woman who is still a little girl like us. She is not some superwoman who would be perfect just because she got married. She needs our assistance to adjust to a whole new way of life.
I have barking up the wrong tree whereas I have been the real culprit here or may be the situations were. Anyways, if this letter could make things between us better ‘Bhabhi’, I would be really glad. I so want to go back to the time when we were not typical ‘nanad’ ‘Bhabhi’ rather friends beyond any typical family ties.
Sister in law