Lessons my first breakup taught me. Painful saga of a First Breakup !
Oh yeah! It was crystal clear now. It was true. This day had finally come. The day of our breakup.
“REAL ACTUAL BREAKUP”.
After 1 year of our relationship, it was actually ‘the end’. Just like everybody else I never ever thought of such a painful end to our relationship. Like most of the 18-year-olds, I thought that maybe I am blessed with the prince of my dream and I am going to spend rest of my life with this person Indeed.
But Life had something else in store for me, Today was that unfateful day. After this day I was never ever going to see this person who was my life, my day, my night, my breath, my happiness, my pain, my everything !!
So I am at his home. Sitting in front of him, In the very same room where we’ve spent our so many beautiful moments. We laughed together, shared our little joys and sorrows, Saw numerous love-struck movies and vowed our life to be the same, The place where our first kiss transpired, where we fought and made up. And now this same spot was going to be a witness of the conclusion of this bond. My eyes were all red, swollen and burning from crying too much. Tears were still coming out of my eyes every now and then. Mind just shut. Nothing this much dreadful has had ever happened to me at least not until then. I didn’t know everyone is not nice, that they actually do not mean what they say. There is not always a reason for this uninvited and undeserved punishment which I endured.
He accepted in front of me that he was going out with that other girl, with whom he claimed to be ‘just good friends” with. From last 2 months, his behaviour had completely transformed. Either he was always busy or caught in some problem or tensed. Rarely having time to meet. All the symptoms of our shattering relationship were there. But I chose to ignore them all, convincing myself that whatever he was saying was all true. That he was actually busy I should trust him. Lol! I must say “Trust” is a funny concept.
But now the truth was out in the open. First of all his ‘just good friend’ told me everything and now he confessed via text that he might have wandered and had an affair unintentionally.
And I came here to meet him because I wanted to listen to all this from him, I want him to look into my eyes and hurt me for the last time, I wanted to see his face for the last time, I came here to get my closure!!
I asked him “Is this true? Is there something going on b/w you two?”
He replied. “I am really sorry. It was just a mistake, I still love you. It’s you only who is my life blah blah blah.”
My Mind was blank. I felt as if someone was pouring hot lava into my ears.
I felt like slapping him right there and then.
I didn’t ask him anything else and just told him” It’s Over now” , We are never going to talk to each other, see each other ever. Surprisingly I didn’t even shed a single tear after listening to him admit that he cheated on me. The very same ME! Who uses to cry even on a small argument between us? Don’t know from where I got all that strength from.
He said “please don’t do it, baby, I won’t be able to live without you. Forgive me this time.” But I have had already made up my mind. A girl can tolerate anything, any amount of hurt and pain, humiliation, insult but not another girl in her guy’s Life.
“Once a cheater always a cheater”.
I too tolerated everything, disrespect, pain, insult, compromised everything today realised that it wasn’t worth it.
I stood up to leave. He held ma hand n requested “please don’t go, don’t leave me, I’ll die” I didn’t reply, didn’t utter a single word. I just picked up my bag and started moving.
And then something happened which I couldn’t have imagined ever. He started crying. I couldn’t believe. He was the toughest guy I have ever known. The Kind of guy who would never ever cry. I have never seen him like this nor expected him to be ever.
I stood there not knowing what to do. He was crying so hard. I just couldn’t see him cry like this even then. I couldn’t control myself. I went to him and hugged him. He was continuously asking me to forgive him and not leave him. Gosh! He actually thought that I am so vulnerable that I will forgive him even after he did this to me. I tried calming him down, wiping away his tears like he uses to do when I use to cry. Then I looked into his eyes for the last time. I kissed him on his forehead; somehow I knew this was our last kiss.
Then he came to drop me off. I pulled out my sunglasses and wore them because I knew now I will not be able to stop my tears. He dropped me at the exact same place near my home where he always used to. I started crying but thank god because of glasses he couldn’t see. Nevertheless! What was the need of display of my pain, my tears now when he didn’t care for them during most of the parts of our relationship? I looked at his face for the last time and tried to smile and bid goodbye. He still had tears in his eyes. I felt like running back to him and hug him so tightly but I couldn’t. After all, he was not mine anymore. Oh, wait! He was never mine.
He said “Take care baby and message me as soon as u reach home” like he always used to remind me. Oh god, Can’t, he be rude now? Why does he need to do all these lovey-dovey gestures to make me even weaker? I felt like I will fall down. I hoped all this to be a terrible nightmare and may be everything gets back to normal the next moment.
I signalled him to leave then like I always use to.
He turned around his bike n left.
And I kept staring at him until he disappeared. As soon as he vanished away from my yes I realised what actually happened to me and my happy life and I burst into tears. I couldn’t walk. I sat on the road itself. I was feeling like running away and jump in front of any running vehicle on road. My life had come to an end. I was wondering ‘what I’ll do now’. I felt like I am in a shock or some coma. I tried getting up but I just couldn’t. Some passersby came to me asking what happened and I told them I am fine and that I had a cramp in my foot.
Then I called up my best friend. She came n took me to my home.
But yeah that was the last day of my life with him. After that, neither did I saw him nor ever met him.
But I still remember his face, his eyes his tears, his love everything. The person whom I loved is no more. There is someone else in his place right now. But he still resides in a small part of my heart, in my memories as the person whom I loved and who loved me.
First Breakup is really really heart aching. Extremely excruciating but it reveals to us the true colours of adult life. Life altering realities and give a grounding to us to buckle up to this heartless world where there is a no place for emotions and compassion.
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